Alert: How to Spot Commitment Signals

Every person is different and there are no magic words or actions that can make someone to commit. But correctly and conscientiously “reading” signals of commitment in a potential long-term mate is critical. This is of great importance early on so you can gauge if the “person” and the relationship you’re in has a future. And looking for that partner can be ‘scary’ as Venessa Lee of the Straits Times wrote in her article.

You can search for answers real soon or wait a while to get these questions addressed, once and for all—Is this what I really want? Does this person feel the same for me? Are we on the same page about what commitment is? Can this relationship develop into commitment? When you don’t have solid information and direction to where things are going after considerable amount of time, then you might be in some sort of unequal commitment. No one on this earth who is in search for lasting love wants to find themselves in that lousy place.

According to Scott Stanley PhD, psychologist and professor at University of Denver, there is a good signal of commitment and by “good” he means that “the signal is valid.” Stanley adds that signals mirror something associated with commitment and not merely a noise. Here are some of the traits of good signal commitment.

Small Sacrifices

It doesn’t necessarily mean extraordinary or ultimate sacrifice but of course, that will certainly count! This means small sacrifices, daily indicators that the person is willing to set aside other matters (that are also important to him or her) to put their relationship or partner first—and also, it should be a mutual thing. It’s the consistent small ways that matters.

If you are seeing someone and looking for a future with them, reflect to see if you observe evidence that they can put what they want in the backseat for what’s best for you and the relationship.

Experts have found some sacrificial behavior examples that are deemed indicators of commitment:

  • Your partner engages in activities you know he or she doesn’t like but is willing to do it because you find fun in them.
  • Your partner drops everything he or she is doing to pay attention to what is making you feel down.
  • Your partner will alter or adjust his or her schedule to make it work for you.

For a behavior to tell something about commitment, it must be a behavior the person has control over. You can get loads of information when a person is in a place where he has options and naturally, what he picks among those options tells you who you are…for him.

Think about purchasing a band aid in a convenience store (suppose they sell one), it is one generic brand, sold only by six pieces and will most likely cost you higher price. Convenience stores excel at being “convenient” neither in low price nor quality brands. If you badly need to cover your cut, you’ll just forego your preference and take whatever is available.

Similarly, anything that limits your options or your partner’s, also limits the content of the choice made. This means some people misinterpret their partner’s behavior, perceiving that it may signal a commitment when the truth it doesn’t. For example, some couples who have been in a relationship for a while, with vague future, who also have constraints in building a life together or family, may also find it hard to read each other about what they clearly want for the future.

Commitment signals are not difficult to find, you just need to communicate, be objective and always on the look-out.

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