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When Your Child Talks Back: The Constructive Communication Approach

You ask your kid to quit playing video games because it’s time for some homework and he answers back with “whatever.” Does this attitude mean you have shortcomings as a parent?

Not necessarily. There are many reasons that influence this attitude. Sometimes, kids test boundaries to check what they can get away with. They may also do this to get attention because talking back guarantees a parent’s attention. Whatever the reasons may be, it is realistically difficult not to reply angrily. But there are, of course, wise course of actions to take that disable us to give in to our kid’s disrespectful attitude.

Watch your language and model values

If there is one thing we often hear about raising kids, that is “everything starts at home.” As a parent, it is critical to monitor your own language in dealing with your child especially when you feel like yelling or criticizing. When this is about to happen, bite your tongue and breathe deeply. Remember that your action models something to your child. If you don’t want to breed an ill-mannered kid, then don’t behave like one.

In a parenting article posted on SingaporesChild.com, Dr. Borba suggests that intervention is highly needed the moment the child displays rude tone of voice or choice of words.  This can be done by allowing your child to be aware of this as you speak in a firm yet calm voice, “Let’s speak when you speak right.”

Build emotional bank with your child

Take advantage of every opportunity that you can positively connect with your child. This can involve knowing and learning what hobbies or activities interests your child, and you can start from there. You may want to invite your kid to join a workshop together or visit his favorite theme park.

Express your willingness to show that you aren’t just there to punish them when they’ve done something wrong, but you’re also someone whom they can always count on. Children think twice in hurting the feelings of their parents when they feel appreciated, loved and connected to. Always see to it to spend at least 20 minutes with you kid every day while giving them positive reinforcement and attention.

Calmly approach your child’s behavior and set clear expectations

It might be a sarcastic answer or tone of voice that hurt you but do not level your response with the same approach. “I know that you are upset at the moment. I feel how much you need me to approve of what you’re asking, but let’s talk about this when we are both calmer.”

This way, we teach our children about building a respectful conversation with another person. When kids disrespect and parents ignore it, they are given no favors. If parents respond with the same disrespectfulness, it is validating the rude behavior. In short, they take it from us.

It’s imperative to discuss and explain that there are behaviors which are off-limits. If you are not pleased with your child’s sarcastic remarks, clear that out. “It is disrespectful when I talk to you and you answer that way. Please refrain from doing that.”


7 Positive Traits of Parents With Successful Kids

 

Any parent would want their children to do well in school, stay out of trouble, and do the best things in the professional world. While there is no fix recipe for raising successful kids, studies pointed out a handful of factors that could ensure your child’s successful future.

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1. Quality Time Over Quantity Time – It’s always quality over quantity when it comes to the time spent with the kids. A one or two hours of playing and having fun with your children is much more beneficial than a whole day of simply supervising them because you feel tired and stressed out to actually play with them.

2. High Expectations – When parents set expectations, children then follow suit. Children always want their parents’ approval, so they strive hard to meet their expectations.

3. Higher Socioeconomic Status – While this is often out of the parents’ control, children from families in higher socioeconomic status is said to be a huge predictor of how a child will do in the future. Not surprisingly though, fewer kids from less-fortunate families are able to go to college.

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4. Sensitive to Child’s Needs – Kids who receive intensive care in their first three years do better in school and have healthier relationships with friends and colleagues in the future, according to researches. This simply suggests that investment during early child-parent relationships can result to long-term returns in an individual’s life.

5. Provide Early Academic Skills – Providing a chance for your child to learn math at an earlier age makes it more likely that he will do well in school. Learning the most basic math lessons predicts a better future not just for your child’s math achievement, but also his reading achievement.

6. Higher Educational Attainment – If you finished high school and college, your child is more likely to as well. Aspiration is somehow said to be partially responsible because kids always look up to their parents.

7. Teaching Advanced Mindset – It is all about valuing and recognizing your child’s effort over his natural intelligence. At an early age, teach your child the principle of working hard in order to get far. Teach your little one that there’s no limit to what he can possibly achieve if he dedicates 100% of his effort.

Taking good care of our children to ensure they become good persons can already be challenging, but making sure they would be successful professionals in the future is much more daunting. By knowing these traits, parents should now know how they can help prosper their child’s knowledge and talents to become among the world’s most victorious individuals.

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5 Tips to Teach Your Child the Art of Sharing

 

Until they reach three years old, children think that everything revolves around them. So basically, sharing is not in their nature. However, sharing can be learned through practice and guidance. Here are some tips to teach your little tots that sharing is caring.

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  1. Start Training Your Child Early

Make your child’s early toys his first sharing opportunities, so start training him by taking turns with playing his toys. For instance, give your baby a rattle shake to play with, then after a couple of minutes take it, play with it yourself, and return it back to him. This teaches your little one that sharing can be fun, too.

  1. Share Some of Your Things

Sharing your things helps build the concept of sharing to your toddler, so avoid labelling anything as someone’s. Instead of saying, “That’s mommy’s things, don’t touch,” say something like, “That’s not a toy, have this instead” and give your child an alternative toy to play with. Let him play with your keys, try on your shoes, or drink from your favourite cup.

  1. Encourage Group Sharing

During snack time, little kids tend to simply snatch food, not share. However, instead of letting everyone have their own plates, cut snacks into pieces and have them on one plate, stating something like “One for Sue, one for Tim, and one for you.” If your little toddler snatched his share and doesn’t seem to care for others, gently guide his hand to pass the plate to other, not forgetting to praise him for sharing.

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  1. Play With Your Child

Family playtime is a great way to prepare your child for sharing. When he’s playing with little cars, ask him, “Can mom and dad play with some of your cars, too?” If he refuses, step back briefly and then try asking again. This lets the child feel that sharing makes friends and makes playtime more fun.

  1. Prepare for Play Dates

When friends and relatives visit for play dates, toddlers naturally protect what’s theirs. So it would best to keep his favourite toys and have a share mat instead with toys that can be enjoyed by everyone. Remind him always by saying things like, “Mommy would be happy if Ty shares” or “Mommy loves you to let Sue use your crayons.” Just make sure to prepare several of everything to make sharing easier for your toddler.

Sharing is a good and respectful habit. Teaching your kids early ensures that this valuable practice will be carried through their adulthood, making them kind and courteous individuals in the future.

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How Can You Prevent Your Youth from Develop Gambling Problem

As a parent, you have to know that there is a survey here in Singapore revealing that youth gambling is prevalent. Furthermore, according to the study conducted by Fei Yue Community Services and Nanyang Polytechnic, more boys gamble than girls and that they would spend most or all of their pocket money gambling.

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This is alarming. There are many factors that drive youths to gamble. For example, if their home environment is not stable or if they are suffering from mental illnesses (like anxiety and ADHD). Knowing this, it is crucial that you guide your youth so they will not cross this destructive path. So, how can you help your child prevent from developing gambling problem? Here are some ideas:

  • Explain responsible gambling: If you explain responsible gambling, your child will see its importance in no time. You can for instance ask your child to set a monthly budget for activities like poker with friends and other activities.
  • Discuss the view of your child: There are people who view poker as a leisure activity while there are others that see it seriously. You have to discuss your child’s view and determine if he/she sees it as a serious activity.

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  • Talk to other parents and teachers: Perhaps the effective thing to do is discuss it in school with other parents and teachers. If there are changes in the school’s policies, you have to push it to ensure that your youth grows in a gamble-free environment.

If you are worried about your youth and you think you cannot handle it, it will not hurt you to seek for other people’s help. There are many centres that you can consider here in Singapore.

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