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Alert: How to Spot Commitment Signals

Every person is different and there are no magic words or actions that can make someone to commit. But correctly and conscientiously “reading” signals of commitment in a potential long-term mate is critical. This is of great importance early on so you can gauge if the “person” and the relationship you’re in has a future. And looking for that partner can be ‘scary’ as Venessa Lee of the Straits Times wrote in her article.

You can search for answers real soon or wait a while to get these questions addressed, once and for all—Is this what I really want? Does this person feel the same for me? Are we on the same page about what commitment is? Can this relationship develop into commitment? When you don’t have solid information and direction to where things are going after considerable amount of time, then you might be in some sort of unequal commitment. No one on this earth who is in search for lasting love wants to find themselves in that lousy place.

According to Scott Stanley PhD, psychologist and professor at University of Denver, there is a good signal of commitment and by “good” he means that “the signal is valid.” Stanley adds that signals mirror something associated with commitment and not merely a noise. Here are some of the traits of good signal commitment.

Small Sacrifices

It doesn’t necessarily mean extraordinary or ultimate sacrifice but of course, that will certainly count! This means small sacrifices, daily indicators that the person is willing to set aside other matters (that are also important to him or her) to put their relationship or partner first—and also, it should be a mutual thing. It’s the consistent small ways that matters.

If you are seeing someone and looking for a future with them, reflect to see if you observe evidence that they can put what they want in the backseat for what’s best for you and the relationship.

Experts have found some sacrificial behavior examples that are deemed indicators of commitment:

  • Your partner engages in activities you know he or she doesn’t like but is willing to do it because you find fun in them.
  • Your partner drops everything he or she is doing to pay attention to what is making you feel down.
  • Your partner will alter or adjust his or her schedule to make it work for you.

For a behavior to tell something about commitment, it must be a behavior the person has control over. You can get loads of information when a person is in a place where he has options and naturally, what he picks among those options tells you who you are…for him.

Think about purchasing a band aid in a convenience store (suppose they sell one), it is one generic brand, sold only by six pieces and will most likely cost you higher price. Convenience stores excel at being “convenient” neither in low price nor quality brands. If you badly need to cover your cut, you’ll just forego your preference and take whatever is available.

Similarly, anything that limits your options or your partner’s, also limits the content of the choice made. This means some people misinterpret their partner’s behavior, perceiving that it may signal a commitment when the truth it doesn’t. For example, some couples who have been in a relationship for a while, with vague future, who also have constraints in building a life together or family, may also find it hard to read each other about what they clearly want for the future.

Commitment signals are not difficult to find, you just need to communicate, be objective and always on the look-out.


Things That Should Stay Between You and Partner

Sometimes you’ll turn to your friends or family for advice regarding your relationship, and that’s perfectly normal! But there are also things that you should keep to your relationship. If you can’t help but vent to someone, then, by all means, do so. You just need to remember that there are also things best kept to your own.

Fights

Fights are common in any relationship. No matter how long you’ve been together, you’ll always have disagreements from time to time. That’s why you should try your best to be selective about what you share with your family or friends. If you bad mouth your partner to your friends every time you have a fight, you’re perspective about him/her will change to the negative sooner or later! Of course, if the relationship becomes physically and emotionally abusive, that’s another story.

Financial problems

Another common problem in relationships is the difference in spending habits. If one of you is a frequent spender and one is really keen on saving, there’s bound to be disagreements. The thing is though, every couple will experience highs and lows when it comes to money. Though financial stability is important, there really are times when you’ll be frustrated with the money you have. In that case, don’t go around blaming your partner! Keep the problem between the two of you and trust that you can address financial issues together.

Problems with each other’s families

If your partner tells you something sensitive about their families, of course, you should keep it private in your relationship. If you have problems within your family, for example, and you’d want to get it off your chest, your partner is the person you usually go to. That’s because you’ve already established trust with each other. Surely, neither of you would want the other to go around talking to others about your family, right? It’s definitely one of those things you should simply respect as a couple.

Your goals as a couple

Another thing you should leave to yourselves is your goals with each other. Although it’s not necessarily prohibited, you should try not to expose too much about your dreams and goals as a couple. For example, planning to have kids. Usually, you’ll keep it to yourself until it’s actually confirmed. But really, as long as you and your partner share the same sentiments, that would be great for your relationship.

Anything related to sex

Sex is a very personal and intimate thing. Regardless of your partner being good or bad in bed, don’t go around telling others about it. It’s already pretty obvious that this is something that should be kept only between the two of you. Though it’s okay to brag about how loving you are as a couple, it’s really best to leave the intimate things out of the conversation. It’s a form of respect for each other and to the people you’re talking to as well.


5 Ways to Spruce Your Marriage

 

The dating stage is the most fun part of a relationship. When you’ve just started dating someone, you feel giddy and excited to be together. Fast forward that relationship to being married, with three kids, a house and bills to pay, it’s quite difficult to feel giddy and carefree with your partner again.

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However, that doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse. It simply means that you have focused more on others and your responsibilities as parents and responsible adults that you have forgotten to have those feelings again. Luckily, you can rekindle the fire you once had in the early days of your relationship with these ideas.

  1. Laugh It Up

An out-of-the-country vacation is nice, but is quite expensive. All it really takes to feel more connected with your partner is a good belly laugh. It’s a proven fact that laughter releases endorphins—the ‘feel good’ hormones—that help us bond with each other. So quit stressing about that expensive Caribbean cruise you can’t afford; instead, schedule your Friday nights for fun movies you can watch at home.

  1. Listen

When your partner starts sharing about something troublesome, try to avoid offering ‘helpful’ advices (e.g. “Just talk to your boss about why you can’t do it.”). Instead, offer open-minded and empathetic responses (e.g. “That’s hard. I know how much your work means to you.”) Quick-fix suggestions feel unconcerned, while empathetic responses make your significant other feel that you understand him, which helps build trust.

  1. Write Love Notes and Texts

Remember the time when you first dated and how much you talk about missing each other every single day? Well, a great way to feel the butterflies in your stomach again is to bring back those love messages. Send your spouse thoughtful texts to remind him to eat his lunch, how much you love and miss him and that you’re thinking about him, or leave little notes in his bag or suitcase that he’ll surprisingly find later in the day.

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  1. Talk Dirty

Hearing erotic words stimulates dopamine, which plays a huge part in sexual excitement. Talking dirty can enhance the physical and emotional intensity of making love. If you feel shy, silly or self-conscious, remember the easy formula to talking dirty: Tell them what you’re doing, what you will do and what you did.

  1. Kiss Longer

If it isn’t part of your everyday routine, start making it a habit to give each other lingering, passionate kisses before leaving for work and when you arrive home. Long, soulful kisses trigger endorphins, melting away stress, and contribute to a loving and fulfilling relationship. Try doing it every single day for a week, and see how much happier you are with each other’s presence.

Married life is, indeed, full of responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean you have to set aside your feelings and your spouse. There are so many little ways you can do every day to keep the fire burning in your marriage.

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Relationship Check: 5 Signs Your Relationship is Going Haywire

 

Do you feel like your relationship is sinking down to the deepest part of the ocean? Well, here are 5 signs your hunch is right—and tips on how you can remedy things.

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  1. Not enough communication

It has been proven by experts and love gurus that communication is the key to a long-lasting relationship. The more you speak openly to each other about your day-to-day dilemmas the more you realize that conversing makes your feelings toward each other stronger. Let’s face reality, we get into a relationship because we see a potential in the other person, a candidate for a lifetime partner. We don’t date just to pass time.

If you find that you have less and less communication with your partner, take that to mean that there has been a lapse in your relationship. Fix it. How? Simple, engage, converse, go back and look for that reason why you are infatuated with that person. Each individual has a language of love they feel comfortable with. Speak it, apply it, communicate with them the only way they want to be associated with, use their language of love.

  1. When arguing becomes a habit

Every relationship is not perfect—it will inevitably experience some bumps every now and then. But while the occasional argument do add some spice to your union, if you get past a certain point and your arguments have become habitual your relationship has probably become toxic and both of you need a major time out. Can there be a remedy? In every situation no matter how hard the circumstance is, there is a solution.

Find the core of your problem. The key to this kind of trouble is to listen. Listen to each other’s point of view, their insights, and frustrations. In silence formulate a way to ease off your better half’s anger and turn it the opposite direction. Think outside the box and come out of your shell. When everything else is wrong always remember what’s right. LOVE.

  1. Fooled—not once but twice

Lying has been one of the many reasons a relationship has raised the white flag. If one can’t be faithful then what’s the use of prolonging the agony? Be subtle, be vigilant, be patient, most of all be honest. It is a partial requirement for a healthy emotional state. Do not be blinded by your feelings, you deserve to be happy and loved.

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If someone is a good catch they would want to be caught. Stop chasing after people who require being chased. Don’t lose your worth and self-respect to stay in a relationship. Once is enough. If you are being cheated on repeatedly, then break away. Don’t be hard on yourself. A little space and perspective is all you need to finally let go.

  1. “I need space”

This phrase gets tossed around lately. Generally when the situation reaches this level there’s no point in saving it. Statistics show that 8 out of 10 relationships that have gone through this horrifying stage has eventually lost its charm. Women or men when told these words create an emotional wall. They still try to save what they think is worth saving, but eventually it end ups badly. Don’t try to enforce yourself on a person who needs the space, give them what they want, the distance.

Sometimes that little gap between you is all you both need to identify your strengths and capabilities. It fixes the relationship if you both visualize the root of all these dilemmas, and you both act on it. Don’t just sit around and let the feelings fade. Always hold on to the promise you once gave to each other, so love, when all signals are low, when the storm has blown too hard, when you’re in too deep, just LOVE.

  1. No more quality time

What are the components of a relationship? Surely, one of the ingredients to a picture perfect, head over heels bond is time. Admit to yourself that you need it. The simple gesture of giving your precious time to someone else is special, it makes you feel wanted, loved and secured. But what happens if you lose your quality time? Then, the problems start to kick in. If you can’t be there for someone then save the friendship while you’re at it.

Everyone deserves a little exertion of effort. This is considered a gratitude too many, a love language in fact. Many people tend to lose themselves when not given the privilege to be with the other. Try examining yourself first. Are you ready to commit? If you’re not ready then don’t push it. If you’re not ready to add value to their life just admire them from afar. Don’t interrupt their greatness, find yourself first before attaching yourself to another person, then happiness shall follow.

quality time


The Kinds of Love You’ll Have in Your Life

 

 

Many of us who have been in a relationship may think that we’re wise already in the ways of love, but do you know there are different kinds of love you may experience in your life? Romantic love doesn’t always end happily ever after. And when it does end sadly – the important thing is that we learn from the experience. Read on to find out the kinds of love you might experience in your lifetime.

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  1. The Love that Changed You

All of us have probably come across that person whose love was either too bad or too good for us to change. These people have easily turned darkness into light and have rocked the walls that guarded our hearts. However, like rubble, were left all crumbled down after they leave us without second thoughts.

  1. The Love that Was Never Real

Your love story with the Wrong Love may be the most exciting story. You know that the person won’t do you any good, but you still want to be with him anyway. This kind of love is often from bad boys/girls, people who are afraid of commitments and men or women who love to play games.

Though somehow you know your love will never be reciprocated the way you deserve, you still find the person hard to resist, which is probably why this person crosses your mind most often when you’re heartbroken or when you’re attached to someone else.

Couple crisis

  1. The Love that Left You Hanging

Closure is a luxury that not all relationships can afford to have. And because of this, most failed relationships don’t get the closure they need. This kind of love will leave you with a lot of questions—what ifs and what could have been. For someone who has truly given their all for their love, this could be the most devastating feeling.

  1. The Love that’s True and Real

True love endures all. It never leaves. It is mature and unconditional. You know that it’s true love because you can forgive the person, not just because you love him but because you know he is greater than his mistakes. More than just heedless emotion, true love is a conscious choice.

While some other men who are better than your true love, objectively speaking, you stay with him because you know he is the best one for you. Your love ignites your desire for marriage because you can’t imagine life without him.

Have you had names to go with each kind of love? Which ones have come to your life and which ones you haven’t yet experienced?

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